TikTok, Personal Growth, and Goals 2020

I’ve decided I need to treat this blog as casual short-form until I get my writing interest back. The pressure of making a long, cohesive entry is more than the will to write. But I’ve found myself wishing I was writing more than I was making TikToks about spirituality. For one, it’s a little more private by virtue of … my blog is really hard to find unless I specifically share it with you. Tiktok tags make things weirdly public and uncontrollable. Especially when the #witchtok tag seems like such a toxic environment.

It makes me realize how toxic the parts of tumblr I was in from 2013-2015 were. I felt like I learned a lot back then– but even then I was frustrated by everyone’s seeming lack of nuance and determination to stir sensationalized outrage. TikTik is about the same right now, except it feels more so, because it’s video-based. It feels more visceral and personal since you’re seeing people’s faces and hearing their voices.

As per usual, no one has decided how (and whether) to resolve conflict in community– or what makes a community.  There are no defined social rules for approaching specific people to suggest changing how they interact with their large audiences. Especially when, if they are not emotionally responsible, it’s too easy for them to (intentionally or unintentionally) weaponize those large, ready-for-outrage audiences.

Anyway, next topic.

I know when I was writing in this blog before, I was writing a lot about how I was going back-and-forth with Loki a lot. Don’t worry, I won’t be doing that flip-flopping anymore. I’m a lot more mentally stable. Also, Loki and I worked things out and officially married on Winter Solstice 2019. So now I am married to Set and to Loki, polyamorously.

I changed a lot in this time. I lost my 7-year friend, P, in a messy falling-out I don’t ultimately regret anymore. I left the Co-op; took a pizza manager job; stepped down to delivery driver; became a lot more assertive, confident, and grounded; got my own single-person apartment; paid off some debt; went into more debt; listened to a lot of podcasts; made a lot of TikToks;  joined a TTRPG group based on The Magnus Archives; bought a used car with a trade-in; endured COVID-19; went through two months of letting-go and forgiveness therapy…

And now I’m starting to date again!  It’s going well now that D advised me to bite the bullet and pay for the extra features. I’m suspiciously getting a lot better matches now.  It’s making the conversations a lot better. COVID-19 is necessitating video dates instead of in-person dates, too.

I am still pondering what to do for a career. I DO still need to do some observation at both a vet clinic or shelter and at a chaplaincy organization (There’s one where I love, luckily!).

I need to get back into reading, so I can get through the ancient history books, NeoPagan books, Tarot Books and Occult books I have. I know this has been a lot of what is missing from my spiritual journey… But I’ve also been going through a lot of other things, so I forgive myself.

–Robin

of The Heart Road

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