I’ve been thinking of signing up for the Kemetic Orthodoxy beginner course…
A few months ago, Set told me not to sign up for it then, when I first got interested. I think it’s because I was newer to my thing with him, romantically, and we hadn’t finished some stuff we were working through yet. A month or more later, I also found out that KO doesn’t encourage god-consortship– in the, “If that’s a thing you do, you shouldn’t do it here,” sense.
And I think he would be okay with it now… But it sucks, because I intend to stay in a consort relationship with Set… AND I want more grounding, spiritual structure and community organization my practice right now– And I see KO and think, Maybe that’s a thing that I could do… Maybe I could find meaning in learning what they have to teach… Using the forums… Talking with others…
And I’m not gonna lie, the RPD (Rite of Parent Divination) REALLY catches my eye…. I’d like to have my theory supported, honestly as to who my “parents” and “beloveds” are, but since I don’t really think the terms are an exact equivalent to human terms, I suspect/worry/hope that Set and Nebet-Het would appear as my “parents.” … Which could suddenly make the term “parent” very awkward with regards to Set… As a consort… So yeah. And that’s why I wouldn’t really use that term– but it would be cool to maybe get it confirmed that Set and Nebet-Het are my…. “Very Important, Primary Deities,” who gave birth to my human existence– and whose soul energies and love, run through me like soul-DNA, and lay the foundation structure of who I am able to become.
That also begs the question, for me, of… can you suspect you are a shard of a deity– or contain shards of that deity and take a KO class or, if allowed, take the RPD…
Because I have a lot of UPG evidence and astral shenanigans that suggest I have a really large shard of Nebet-Het inside me, and also a (smaller) shard of Set… It seems to have something to do with healing HER and healing their relationship… And healing me in order to accomplish those things?? SO like… a vessel for healing who is also… a part of the actual… deities…. It’s weird.
(Basically *Smush deities’ ouchy energy together into a being, send being to earth to cry and hurt and heal for some-odd years… reap rewards later! Yay! *)
So, I feel kinda conflicted and bummed. As a queer person, as a nonbinary trans person, a traumatized person, and an Autistic person, I’m no stranger to being a horrible outsider cockroach, seemingly ruining everyone else’s good time by merely demanding the right to exist… And I’m bitter about that… However, I’m also a white person, and there’s a long history of white people demanding access to things that we actually have no right to, and then demanding that everything be changed to fit our European-based cultural values and demands, and ruining everything for everyone else when it was originally theirs and we just fucking took it because we’re assholes who resort to genocide when we have a tantrum… *deep breath*
And I know that neither of these situations is the actual same exact thing, but both are mulling around in my head while I’m like, “……………Do I even have a right to ask to take a beginner class? When I’m already breaking their rules…… ? Is it ethically necessary that I tell them that I’m a consort before asking to take the class or RPD? Or is it better to just never talk about it and not make it a thing, and feel kinda lonely and keep my guard up and always know that deep down, I am an outsider and not welcome and maybe shouldn’t even go here? Or that I’m only welcome with the caveat that I don’t tell anyone my dearest, vulnerable way that I love Set?”
So….. Shit. I don’t have an answer.
I guess it boils down to : How much wiggle room is there? How much do I have to obey the rules to test my foot in the waters, and if I end up getting far enough to take the RPD, is it going to be bad, bad vibes and not cool if I decide to back out and not do KO? Or stay in KO because I like it and still be a god consort?
–Of The Heart Road