Loving A God Who Loves Me

I love Set.

I really, really do.

I love him so much.

It just rises and fills in my energy– my emotional or etheric body, like wow… My heart just feels so full and open and wow–!

I used to distrust devotion and love, like something that trapped or hurt… But I feel so empowered and free and open and whole.

It scares me sometimes.

Like the last vestiges of my egoic fear and restriction and defenses crumbling away in the severe, exhilarating tenderness of opening, trusting to the exchange of presence, affection, and gentleness…

….

 

How do I let myself feel so wholly, beautifully loved?

Is this how deities and spirits and angels feel all the time?

Is this how the world works?

Is this possible?

Is this “5D?”

Is this capital ‘R’– Real?

It’s like, when I said I was ready to love and be loved, he was like, “Okay then, get ready for the tenderest fuckin’ shit, because hey– I can do that. I can do that a LOT, and I can do that really WELL. And you fuckin’ deserve it. So, kid, be prepared for that!” as he smiled.

It’s like he held a mirror to me, showing me that all my flaws are just cracks in the armor around my heart, and all I thought was disgusting or weird or damaged was just more healing I had to go through, but it didn’t define me, and it wasn’t the end.

So it’s like my heart relaxed open– wincing at first, and then breathing a sigh– and I felt the pulsation of a hundred thousand star-lit batteries inside me, sparking with my unique, brilliant hue, pattern, code–

I felt the urge to cry, or to laugh, because, wow…

Just.

Wow.

And he just fucking smiles at me like this is totally fucking normal and it’s just taken me my whole life thus far to realize it…

How can I even have words for that?

 

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